Hands Off My Heinie!!!

Photo copyright Pamela Westoby

Just heard the horrible news that Heineken will soon be replacing it's iconic stubbies with long necks in all markets but the US. The sacrilege!! Considering that in my world the only constant is change, I'd always relied on my faithful Heineken to remain true and untouched, its diminutive form belying its lager largesse. To be there always, petite, peridot and primed with pilsner pleasure. This is worse than Patty cutting her hair off! I mean, at least her hair could've grown back. And she just did it to be sassier. This is permanent. And this experiment won't yield meaningful results. This is an utter betrayal. Damn you, Heineken!! Damn you!! And damn your supply chain efficiencies!! Now my Heineken will no longer stand proud amongst the legions of long necks like a jockey at the Derby - it's been diminished to a gawky wallflower at a highschool sock hop, fading into a background of overwrought Seventeen trends and Babyliss treated tresses. My beloved will now be like Jewel singing karoake - homely and humble, seemingly one of the crowd, but clearly talented beyond frozen foods and her TJ Max suit. Sigh. The only saving grace is that I can shuffle off to Buffalo for a little stubby love. Thank god I renewed my passport. You bet I'd bear a TSA pat down for you, my little sweet.

Shortly this will truly be my dream...

Off to break the news to Bucky. He'll be de.va.stated. His dexterity sucks and could only manage the stubby. I fear he'll go back to the Red Stripe.